7 Questions Expert Series: Dr. Sue Varma on the Power of Practical Optimism

1.⁠ ⁠Optimism vs. Toxic Positivity – How do you define optimism, and how is it different from toxic positivity?

Simply put, optimism is our natural predisposition , our genetic tendency to look on the bright side-and to anticipate good things to happen to us and for us – to see the cup as half full-say, as opposed to half empty. On the other hand, telling someone to look on the bright side without understanding the depth or the gravity of what they have been through is dismissive and invalidating at best, but that is not optimism that is toxic positivity.

2.⁠ ⁠The Making of Practical Optimism – What inspired you to write this book, and how has your understanding of optimism evolved over time?

I wrote the book I needed to read. I wrote the book I wanted my patients to read. A one stop shop if you will- a comprehensive, singular approach to handling ups and downs- of which we are guaranteed to have many. A book that will make your highs, even higher, and put a bottom, a floor on the lows.

Optimists and pessimists, believe it or not, have a similar number of negative life events – it’s their positive perception of things that predicts success, in most cases for the optimists. Do you want to be healthier, happier, make more money, find true, and lasting love whether in friendship or through partnership? Practice optimism. And I’ve made it simple and fun. As a physician I understand the intricate mind, body link and as a practicing psychiatrist, I’ve spent two decades of experience in giving people tangible tools to cope with stress and loss. I learned from my work with 9/11 trauma survivors how people cope with and thrive in the face of extreme stress and through my own pain, failure and rejection in life.

3.⁠ ⁠Science of Optimism – What’s one research-backed insight about optimism that surprised you the most?

I’ll give you a few! Optimists live longer -about 10-15% longer but get this – not just living longer, they are living longer in good health. Optimists enjoy what we call exceptional longevity, which is living healthy well into your 80s. We know that most women spend the last decade of their life in poor health, dependent, often in a nursing home. Optimists experience 30% fewer strokes and heart attacks – are less likely to die from any cause in the next decade. They are 40% more likely to get a raise in the next year. They have stronger, longer partnerships and friendships . Optimists have less depression and anxiety. Optimists and pessimists, believe it or not, experience the same number of negative life events. It’s not that the life of optimists is easier. The difference is the perception and their behaviour towards things that confer a positive outcome for the optimists.

4.⁠ ⁠Can Optimism Be Learned? – Some believe optimism is something you’re born with. What does science say—can it be developed?

Research shows that there are actually genes that code for optimism –oxytocin receptor gene -(cuddle and bonding hormone) and if you are born with it, you will tend to skew optimistic – and the reality is that only 25 percent of folks are born glass half full. The rest of us have to work at it. So the rest of the folks (75 %) will have some variations of this gene, and as a result, tend to skew on the pessimistic side. Some may even be at risk for depression.

Now of course, early life experiences and family culture all play a role, and sometimes even the situation determines how optimistic we will be. Some people feel more optimistic about their work or love life – but for the most part each of us tend to have a natural bend one way or the other. And while optimism is very important and it’s really beneficial to have a positive mindset, and one that comes with head to toe health benefits, at the end of the day, it is just that – a mindset.

Practical optimism, on the other hand, is way more than just having a positive outlook in life. It helps you translate positive outlooks into positive outcomes through actionable change. It is a skill set, a tool set and a mindset. It involves realistic and flexible coping mechanisms, problem-solving, and developing healthy habits. Optimism is a choice, a habit and a practice. Some days it’s a 5-min practice, other days longer. Optimists are born but practical optimists are made.

5.⁠ ⁠Overcoming Negative Thinking: when self-doubt or negativity creep in, what’s one go-to strategy to shift toward optimism? How can parents teach this to their teens or tweens?

I have a 4-step plan – it’s called “Name it, Claim it, Tame it and Reframe it?

Name it – the antecedent, the trigger or what is bothering you. This is really important. The more granular, and specific people are, the less distress they’ll be in. When you know what specifically caused the distress in your day, you’re better-equipped to handle it head on.

Claim it – when you feel this problem, where in your body do you experience it? Is it in the form of teeth clenching or your shoulders tightening? Do you feel headaches?

Tame it – let’s do a one-minute exercise: close your eyes, take a deep breath. Centre your breath, exhale to the count of five, slowly, inhale to the count of five. Do this five times, a few times a day.

Reframe it – Ask “How will I feel about this 5 years from now?” If it won’t matter, let it go. “What would I tell a friend?”

6.⁠ ⁠Raising Optimistic Kids – How can parents help their kids develop a healthy optimistic mindset without dismissing real challenges?

I talk about this in my book – the chapter on proficiency and on pride. Self efficacy – the belief that you can do hard things can come from role models, feedback from mentors and trusted peers – but there is no better way than doing one, small hard thing a day. Start with cleaning your own room, doing your laundry, helping around the house or joining a school club that is in a new area, or even offering to speak in front of the classroom. Do one thing that scares you, pushes you, helps you grow, every day. And self-compassion, (check out the book to learn more!) don’t berate yourself. Take a breath.

We’ve all failed. I failed the very first test in Organic Chemistry I took in college- the class that “weeds kids out” – it’s the make or break – do you get into medical school or not. Well, me and two girlfriends doubled down after half the class had failed. We formed study groups, extra help sessions- and we ended up being the first three women that ever got A’s in this professor’s class (in his 30 year teaching career we were told!) and were invited back the next semester to become tutors and teaching assistants in the class. We had been told that “women don’t have the visual-spatial reasoning ability to do well in this class. Don’t let anyone put limitations on you. You get to decide how far you want to go.

Take rejection as redirection – and sometimes that redirection is to get help and come right back – not give up, if you passionately want something (like I did, to one day become a doctor and to speak to the public, as I do in the media, through my keynote speeches, to my patients over the years, and now as an author.) Did I mention I was also shy and hated public speaking? Well, read my book to see how I overcame it! Hint: this plan that I didn’t even know about at the time, called Practical Optimism.

7.⁠ ⁠One Takeaway for Parents – If there’s one key lesson you hope parents take from your book, what would it be?

Equip your kids with tools that will last them a lifetime. Don’t make life easier for them, don’t try to make all their pain go away. Grab a copy of Practical Optimism and go on a beautiful journey together – one where you learn to live intentionally, solve problems adeptly, process your emotions in real time, form deeper authentic connections with others.