- Parenting, Resilience, Wisdom
Helping Your Child Thrive in School—Especially During Exam Season
A parent’s guide to supporting tweens and teens through academic pressure without burnout
Between homework, extracurriculars, social pressures, and looming exams, it’s no wonder many tweens and teens feel like they’re barely keeping up. As a parent, you want to help—but you also don’t want to micromanage or add more pressure. So how can you support your child in thriving academically—especially during exam season—without burning out?
The answer lies in a balance of structure, empathy, and small, science-backed strategies that build confidence and calm.
1. Focus on How They Study—Not Just If
Many kids have never been taught how to study effectively. Left to their own devices, they may reread their notes, highlight textbooks, or create aesthetically pleasing but passive summaries. These methods feel productive but often don’t stick.
Help your child build active study habits that actually work:
- Quiz themselves or use flashcards rather than re-reading.
- Explain the content to you or a sibling—it’s called the Feynman Technique, and it’s one of the most effective ways to understand a topic deeply.
- Use past exam papers or practice questions under timed conditions to simulate the test environment.
- Create visual tools like diagrams, charts, or color-coded mind maps to make studying more engaging.
- Encourage them to study in short, focused bursts (e.g., the Pomodoro Technique: 25 minutes of work, 5 minutes of rest), and schedule subjects they find hardest during their peak focus hours.
2. Protect Sleep Like It’s Sacred
- Set a consistent bedtime, even during exams.
- Encourage a wind-down routine (reading, journaling, music, a shower) and keep screens out of the bedroom if possible.
- Share the science: even one night of poor sleep can reduce performance, especially in subjects that require focus and memory.
Be a Calm, Non-judgemental Sounding Board.
The pressure to “do well” is real—and often internal. Kids may not always say it, but they feel your expectations. During exams, emotions can run high: frustration, self-doubt, and stress are all normal.
What helps most:
- Listen before you solve. Ask: “Do you want advice or just to talk it out?”
- Validate their experience. Say: “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Exams are tough, but you’re tougher.”
- Shift the focus to effort: “I’m proud of how hard you’re working,” instead of “I hope you get an A.”
This builds psychological safety—your child knows they can come to you without fear of judgment.
4. Teach Micro-Moments of Stress Relief
Your child doesn’t need a full-blown mindfulness practice (though that’s great too). What they do need are quick, simple tools to regulate their nervous system.
Introduce these techniques:
- Box breathing (Inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4. Repeat.)
- 5-4-3-2-1 grounding (Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste.)
- Movement breaks—even 5 minutes of stretching, jumping jacks, or walking around the block can reduce cortisol and increase focus.
Pro tip: Create a “calm-down kit” with fidget tools, affirmations, lavender balm, or a stress ball. Keep it nearby during study time or exams.
5. Help Them Manage Their Time—Without Taking Over
Many tweens and teens struggle with executive functioning: planning, prioritising, and managing tasks. Instead of micromanaging, help them build their own system.
Try this:
- Sit down together to map out all upcoming exams and assignments.
- Help them break each task into steps (e.g., revise chapters 1–3, complete practice test).
- Encourage the use of a planner or weekly wall chart they can update themselves. (Check out our Academic & Wellbeing Planner here!)
And if they forget something? Instead of jumping in, ask:
“What’s your plan for catching up?”
This fosters accountability without shame.
6. Model Balance at Home
Tweens and teens don’t just listen to what we say—they watch what we do. Your own approach to stress, work, and rest is quietly shaping how they learn to handle pressure.
Try to model:
- Healthy boundaries with work (e.g., closing your laptop at a certain hour).
- Self-care as a priority, not a reward.
- Self-compassion when things don’t go perfectly (“That didn’t go how I hoped, but I’m proud of trying.”)
Small daily choices create a culture of balance and well-being.
Something to think about: Connection Over Perfection
At the end of the day, your support is more powerful than you think. What your child needs most isn’t constant reminders or checklists—it’s the reassurance that they’re loved, capable, and not alone in this.
So encourage progress over perfection. Celebrate effort. And remind them: exams matter—but they matter more.
At the end of the day, exams are just one chapter in your child’s story. What matters more than marks is the mindset they develop—and the relationship they have with themselves and with you.
Because while academic success is important, raising emotionally healthy, confident, and resilient young people? That’s the real goal.
We’re Here for You
Parenting tweens and teens isn’t always easy, but small steps can make a big difference. The Wisely & Co Academic & Wellbeing Planner is here to support your family every step of the way.
If you ever have questions, need advice, or just want to share your child’s progress, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at talktous@wiselyandco.com. We’re in this together, cheering for you and your amazing kids.
References
- Dunlosky, J., Rawson, K. A., Marsh, E. J., Nathan, M. J., & Willingham, D. T. (2013). Improving Students’ Learning With Effective Learning Techniques. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 14(1), 4–58.
- Walker, M. (2017). Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams. Scribner.
- Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Ballantine Books.
- Sisk, V. F., et al. (2018). To What Extent and Under Which Circumstances Are Growth Mindsets Important to Academic Achievement? Psychological Science.
- Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory. Norton.
- Harvard Health. Breathing techniques for anxiety. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/breathing-techniques-for-anxiety
- Harvard Center on the Developing Child. Executive Function & Self-Regulation. https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/executive-function/
- Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child. Delacorte Press.
