- Resilience
New School Year Anxiety: Turning Nerves Into Courage and Growth
New schools. New teachers. First year of high school. Sitting major exams like GCSEs or SATs/ACTs. Maybe even the first time living away at boarding school, wondering Who will I share a room with? Will we get along? Every “first” brings nerves. Back-to-school transitions are loaded with unknowns—Where will I sit? Will I make friends? Am I ready for exams?—and the brain’s default reaction is anxiety.
That’s not a weakness. It’s biology. Feeling anxious means your mind is alert and cares about what comes next. The key isn’t to erase nerves but to learn how to carry them while still stepping forward. Science shows that with the right tools, young people can transform jitters into courage—and parents can guide them there.
Why firsts make us anxious (and what helps)
The brain dislikes uncertainty. Avoiding new situations teaches your brain they’re unsafe. Facing them gently, often, and in varied ways shows the opposite (Craske et al., 2014).
Stress reappraisal works. Interpreting racing hearts and sweaty palms as “energy to focus” helps students perform better (Jamieson, Harkins & Mendes, 2010; Jamieson, Mendes & Nock, 2013).
Healthy bodies support calmer minds. 8–10 hours of sleep, daily movement, and slow belly breathing reduce anxiety symptoms and sharpen learning (Lo et al., 2016; Dasso, Edwards & Loprinzi, 2024).
Smart study beats endless study. Self-testing, spacing, and mixing topics improve memory far more than rereading or highlighting (Dunlosky et al., 2013).
Mindsets matter, but with balance. Growth mindset approaches help some students persist—especially when grades dip—but they aren’t cure-alls (Sisk et al., 2018; Yeager et al., 2019).
Self-kindness is resilience. Teens who practise self-compassion report lower stress and stronger wellbeing (Bluth & Blanton, 2014; Ferrari et al., 2019)
Scenes from real life: What parents and students can say
Back-to-school firsts trigger anxious thoughts—What if I mess up? What if no one likes me?—but each scene is a chance to practise bravery. Here’s how it might sound:
1) First day, new school
Parent: “Nerves mean your brain cares. Let’s set one small goal—say hello to one person and ask two questions.”
Student self-talk: “Curious, not confident. One hello, two questions—that’s enough.”
Why it helps: Small, intentional social steps reduce avoidance, and asking follow-up questions signals warmth and likability, helping new connections form.
2) Lunchtime alone
Parent: “Here’s a friendly script: ‘Mind if I sit here?’ and one follow-up like ‘What’s good on the menu?’”
Student self-talk: “Awkward is normal. I can sit down anyway.”
Why it helps: Exposure—sitting with peers instead of avoiding the cafeteria—teaches the brain that discomfort fades, and structured questions make joining less daunting.
3) Asking a teacher for help
Parent: “Teachers expect questions. Try: ‘I got stuck on number 3—could you show me another example?’”
Student self-talk: “Good questions = progress. Asking is learning.”
Why it helps: Targeted questions clarify misunderstandings and improve recall. Retrieval practice (testing what you don’t know) strengthens memory and builds confidence.
4) First time at a club or team
Parent: “First time, just watch 20 minutes. Next time, try one drill. Step by step.”
Student self-talk: “Showing up counts. I don’t need to be the best yet.”
Why it helps: Gradual exposure—watching first, then joining—lowers pressure while still building familiarity. Step-by-step progress reduces overwhelm and builds confidence.
5) New bus or commute
Parent: “Let’s practise the route Saturday. If lost, say: ‘Hi, I’m new—where’s Year 9?’”
Student self-talk: “Lost isn’t failing—it’s learning the map.”
Why it helps: Practising journeys reduces uncertainty, and having a simple “lost script” prepares the brain to cope instead of panic if things go wrong.
6) Big exam year (GCSEs / SATs / ACTs)
Parent: “Plan for balance: 25-minute sessions, mix subjects, finish with self-testing. Sleep and breaks matter too.”
Student self-talk: “Effort plus rest grows my brain. Nerves = fuel.”
Why it helps: Retrieval practice, spacing, and mixing subjects are proven to strengthen learning, Reframing exam nerves as energy boosts focus and performance.
7) “Everyone already has friends”
Parent: “Friendliness first. Two follow-up questions a day is enough. Friendships build slowly.”
Student self-talk: “I’ll be a connector. Two follow-ups today.”
Why it helps: Responsiveness—showing interest and asking questions—helps others feel valued, which speeds up the process of forming friendships.
8) First time sharing a room at boarding school
Parent: “It’s natural to feel anxious about sharing your space. Your roommate is probably nervous too. Start with small kindnesses—ask, ‘Where are you from?’ or ‘What’s your favourite subject?’ Then agree on one room rule, like lights out or quiet study time.”
Student self-talk: “I don’t need to be best friends overnight. I’ll begin with respect, one question, and one rule. That’s a strong first step.”
Why it helps: Asking friendly questions signals openness, and setting boundaries early reduces conflict and builds trust.
Family-friendly micro-tools
Three-breath reset: Inhale for 5, exhale for 5, three times.
Worry window: Write worries after school for 15 minutes, then act on one.
Bravery ladder: Break a scary step into 5 rungs. Climb one a day.
Parent playbook
- Validate, don’t erase. “Sounds like your stomach’s tight and you still want to try. What’s one step?”
- Praise courage, not outcomes. “You asked for help—that was bold.”
- Model bravery. Share your own small anxious wins.
- Protect basics. Prioritise sleep, meals, and movement.
When to get more help
If anxiety lasts for weeks, blocks school attendance, disrupts sleep or eating, or includes panic or self-harm thoughts, it’s time to seek professional support. Evidence-based cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is an example of an intervention that is highly effective for young people because it tackles anxiety on two levels: thoughts and behaviours. It helps children and teens notice unhelpful thought patterns (e.g., “If I sit alone, everyone will laugh at me”), challenge them, and replace them with more balanced ones.
At the same time, CBT encourages gradual exposure to feared situations—like starting a new club or asking a teacher for help—so the brain learns that the situation is safe and manageable. Research shows CBT reduces anxiety symptoms significantly in children and adolescents, with benefits that often last long after treatment ends.
Encouraging words for students
We’re Here for You
Parenting tweens and teens isn’t always easy, but small steps can make a big difference. The Wisely & Co Planner is here to support your family every step of the way.
If you ever have questions, need advice, or just want to share your child’s progress, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at hello@wiselyandco.com. We’re in this together, cheering for you and your amazing kids.
References
Bluth, K. & Blanton, P.W., 2014. Mindfulness and self-compassion: Exploring pathways to adolescent emotional well-being. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 23(7), pp.1298–1309.
Craske, M.G., Treanor, M., Conway, C.C., Zbozinek, T. & Vervliet, B., 2014. Maximizing exposure therapy: An inhibitory learning approach. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 58, pp.10–23.
Dasso, N.A., Edwards, M.K. & Loprinzi, P.D., 2024. The effects of physical activity on anxiety in children and young adults: A meta-analysis. Psychology of Sport and Exercise, 70, 102515.
Dunlosky, J., Rawson, K.A., Marsh, E.J., Nathan, M.J. & Willingham, D.T., 2013. Improving students’ learning with effective learning techniques: Promising directions from cognitive and educational psychology. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 14(1), pp.4–58.
Ferrari, M., Hunt, C., Harrysunker, A., Abbott, M.J., Beath, A.P. & Einstein, D.A., 2019. Self-compassion interventions and psychosocial outcomes: A meta-analysis of RCTs. Mindfulness, 10(8), pp.1455–1473.
Huang, K., Yeomans, M., Brooks, A., Minson, J. & Gino, F., 2017. It doesn’t hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 113(3), pp.430–452.
James, A.C., James, G., Cowdrey, F.A., Soler, A. & Choke, A., 2020. Cognitive behavioural therapy for anxiety disorders in children and adolescents. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews, (11), CD013162.
Jamieson, J.P., Harkins, S.G. & Mendes, W.B., 2010. Social stress, cognitive appraisals, and cardiovascular reactivity. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 46(6), pp.1160–1166.
Jamieson, J.P., Mendes, W.B. & Nock, M.K., 2013. Improving acute stress responses: The power of reappraisal. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 22(1), pp.51–56.
Lo, J.C., Ong, J.L., Leong, R.L., Gooley, J.J. & Chee, M.W., 2016. Cognitive performance, sleepiness, and mood in partially sleep-deprived adolescents: The need for sleep study. Sleep, 39(3), pp.687–698.
