- Happiness, Parenting
Teens, Trust & Tough Love: 7 Questions with Dr. Ann‑Louise Lockhart
Navigating the teen years can feel like steering a ship through unpredictable waters. In this edition of Wisely & Co’s 7 Questions Expert Series, we’re honoured to speak with Dr. Ann‑Louise Lockhart—a leading paediatric psychologist, sought-after parent coach, and inspiring speaker. As the founder of A New Day Pediatric Psychology, she helps overwhelmed families move from chaos to connection using evidence-backed strategies grounded in clinical expertise.
Dr. Lockhart’s insights have been featured in The New York Times, Parents, HuffPost, and The Today Show, where her warm, no-nonsense approach resonates with parents across the globe. In this interview, she shares real-life tools that empower teens with autonomy while still offering guidance—and previews ideas from her forthcoming book, Love the Teen You Have: A Practical Guide to Transforming Conflict Into Connection, releasing October 28, 2025.
1. What helps parents stay calm and not take it personally when their teen is rude or emotionally distant?
This is one of the biggest challenges parents face, especially when they’re trying so hard to connect. What I tell parents all the time is this: Your teen’s behavior is not a direct reflection of your worth as a parent. When they roll their eyes or give you the cold shoulder, it’s not always about you. It’s often about what they’re going through internally.
We have to remind ourselves: teens are emotionally flooded a lot of the time. Their brains are still developing, their hormones are surging, and they’re trying to figure out their identity while also managing friendships, school stress, and social pressure. It doesn’t excuse disrespect, but it helps explain it.
Staying calm starts with self-awareness. If you’re feeling triggered, pause. Breathe. Ask yourself: Is this about them… or me? A calm parent is a regulating presence and that helps teens learn to calm themselves too.
2. How can parents build trust with their teen without being too strict or too permissive?
Trust is built in the in-between moments: the quiet car rides, the late-night snack runs, the times you really listen without interrupting or jumping into fix-it mode. Teens want to know: Can I trust you to hear me without overreacting? Can I be my messy, complicated self and still feel safe with you
Parents often swing between strict (“Because I said so!”) and permissive (“Fine, do what you want”) because they’re not sure where the healthy middle is. That middle ground is boundaries with compassion. It sounds like: “I care about you, and I’m not going to let you stay out until 2 am, but I also want to understand why that’s important to you.”
It’s not about control; it’s about connection with structure. When teens feel respected and included in decision-making (even when they don’t get their way), trust grows.
3. What are effective ways for parents to encourage teens to open up about their feelings and challenges?
Start by being genuinely curious, not interrogative. Teens shut down when they feel cornered or judged. Instead of asking, “Why are you in such a bad mood?” try “You seemed kind of off today. What’s going on in your world?”
Sometimes the best conversations happen when we’re side-by-side, not face-to-face. Try talking while driving, cooking, walking the dog, or doing something together. Keep your tone casual and open, not heavy.
Also, respect their silence. Try other ways of communicating (like through text). Just saying, “I’m here if you ever want to talk. No pressure,” goes a long way. They need to know the door is open, even when they’re not ready to walk through it yet.
4. Your book Love The Teen You Have helps parents reduce stress and strengthen their relationship with their teen by offering practical tools for connection and understanding. What are some of the first steps parents can take to begin loving and accepting the teen they have?
One of the first steps is letting go of the teen you imagined and fully embracing the teen who’s in front of you. That means accepting their quirks, moods, interests, and even their struggles.
Ask yourself: Am I loving who they are, or who I hoped they would be? Our kids can feel the difference.
Also, stop trying to be the “perfect parent.” Perfection creates pressure. Instead, focus on presence, being emotionally available, showing up consistently, and being willing to admit when you mess up.
Small things matter: a smile when they walk into the room, a genuine apology when you overreact, or a simple “I really like who you are becoming.” That’s how love gets communicated.
5. How can parents support their teen’s mental health in a way that feels helpful rather than overwhelming?
Support doesn’t always mean doing more. Sometimes it’s about doing less, but doing it differently. Teens don’t want a parent who hovers and panics. They want someone who is anchored, steady, and nonjudgmental.
Instead of “Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?” try “I noticed you’ve seemed down lately. Anything you want to talk about?” Then give them space.
Normalise therapy, talk about mental health as a part of overall health, and model healthy coping skills yourself. If you’re overwhelmed, take care of your own emotional well-being too. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary.
6. What signs indicate that parental stress might be affecting how they show up for their teen, and how can that stress be managed?
If you’re yelling more, withdrawing, feeling resentful, constantly tired, or dreading interactions with your teen, then you’re probably feeling overwhelmed. And it’s not just you.
Your teen might say things like, “Why are you always mad at me?” or “You don’t get it!” Those comments, while hard to hear, can be clues that your stress is spilling over into your interactions.
Managing that stress starts with naming it. What’s really going on beneath the surface? Are you anxious, burnt out, grieving, overwhelmed? Once you name it, you can address it—with therapy, support groups, self-care, or honest conversations with your partner or co-parent.
Your teen doesn’t need you to be perfect, they just need you to be honest and willing to do your own work, too.
7. What strategies can help parents motivate their teen and promote responsibility and independence without constant reminders or conflict?
Teens want autonomy, but they still need guidance. The trick is to invite their buy-in instead of forcing compliance.
Instead of nagging, try collaborative problem-solving. Say: “I know getting your homework done on time has been tough lately. What’s your plan for handling it this week?” That shifts the responsibility to them, which is exactly where it needs to be.
Also, allow for natural consequences. If they forget their lunch or miss a deadline, don’t always swoop in to fix it. Let life be the teacher sometimes.
And finally, celebrate their efforts, not just outcomes. A simple “I noticed you got started on your homework without me reminding you. Great job.” can do wonders for motivation.
In this thoughtful and empowering conversation, Dr. Ann‑Louise Lockhart reminds us that parenting teens doesn’t have to be a power struggle—it can be a partnership. With warmth, wisdom, and a deep understanding of adolescent development, she offers a refreshing path forward: one built on mutual respect, calm leadership, and connection over control. Whether you’re facing daily screen time battles, homework battles or navigating bigger emotional waves, her insights will leave you feeling more grounded, hopeful, and ready to show up with intention.
Where to Find Dr. Lockhart
To dive deeper into Dr. Lockhart’s approach, be sure to pre-order her upcoming book, Love the Teen You Have: A Practical Guide to Transforming Conflict Into Connection—launching October 28, 2025. It’s packed with practical strategies and heartfelt guidance to help you build a stronger, more respectful relationship with your teen. The Amazon pre-order link is below together with further links to Dr. Lockhart’s resources and services.
Amazon Book Pre-order: https://www.amazon.com/author/dr.ann-louise_2025
Website: https://drannlouiselockhart.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.annlouise.lockhart/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dr.annlouise.lockhart
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.annlouiselockhart
Talkadot: https://www.talkadot.com/s/drlockhart
We’re Here for You
Parenting tweens and teens isn’t always easy, but small steps can make a big difference. The Wisely & Co Academic & Wellbeing Planner is here to support your family every step of the way.
If you ever have questions, need advice, or just want to share your child’s progress, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at hello@wiselyandco.com. We’re in this together, cheering for you and your amazing kids.
