- Parenting
Raising Confident Teens: Common Insecurities & How to Help
Sophia's Story
Sophia’s experience is far from unique. Adolescence is a time of self-discovery, but it’s also a period of intense insecurity. A study published in the Journal of Adolescence found that 80% of teenagers experience frequent self-doubt about their appearance, abilities, or social status (Steinberg, 2021). Social media, peer pressure, and academic stress only amplify these insecurities, leaving teens feeling like they’re not enough.
The good news? We, as parents, caregivers, and educators, play a crucial role in helping teens build confidence. Dr. Lisa Damour, clinical psychologist and author of Untangled, emphasizes:
“Adolescents are wired to seek validation, but the strongest and most lasting confidence comes from the sense that they are valued and accepted at home” (Damour, 2016).
So, what insecurities do teens struggle with the most, and how can we support them? Here’s a guide to some of the most common insecurities and the science-backed ways we can help our teens shine.
1. Appearance
Why It Happens:
Teens are bombarded with unrealistic beauty standards on social media, in advertising, and even among peers. Studies show that 70% of teenage girls and 50% of teenage boys feel dissatisfied with their appearance (Neumark-Sztainer et al., 2020).
How We Can Help:
- Normalise different body types and appearances.
- Praise traits beyond looks (e.g., kindness, humor, creativity).
- Encourage positive self-talk and media literacy to challenge beauty myths.
Positive Self-Talk for Teens:
“I am more than my appearance. My value is in who I am, not how I look.”
2. Social Acceptance
Why It Happens:
The teen brain is wired for social belonging. Neuroscientific research shows that social rejection activates the same brain regions as physical pain (Eisenberger, 2012).
How We Can Help:
- Encourage individuality and help teens find friends who share their interests.
- Reinforce that they don’t have to fit into every social group.
- Teach resilience: friendships evolve, and not everyone has to like them.
Positive Self-Talk for Teens:
“It’s okay to be myself. The right friends will value me for who I am.”
3. Academic Pressure
Why It Happens:
Grades, college or university applications, and comparisons to high-achieving peers create intense stress. A 2023 study found that 61% of teens feel pressure to get good grades, even at the expense of their mental health (Pew Research Center, 2023).
How We Can Help:
- Focus on effort, not just results (e.g., “I love how hard you worked on this”).
- Teach that mistakes are learning opportunities.
- Encourage breaks and healthy study habits.
Positive Self-Talk for Teens:
“I don’t need to be perfect. Trying my best is enough.”
4. Peer Comparison
Why It Happens:
Social media is a highlight reel, making teens feel like they’re falling behind. One study found that frequent Instagram use increases feelings of inadequacy and anxiety (Fardouly et al., 2018).
How We Can Help:
- Teach media literacy—remind them that social media is curated, not reality.
- Share personal experiences where comparison didn’t serve us.
- Help them focus on personal growth, not competition.
Positive Self-Talk for Teens:
“I’m on my own path. I don’t need to compare my journey to anyone else’s.”
Back to Sophia
A Final Thought for Parents and Caregivers
As parents, caregivers, and mentors, we’re in this together. Our teens are watching how we handle self-doubt, stress, and mistakes. If we model self-compassion and positive self-talk, they’ll learn to do the same.
And if you’re looking for structured support, the Wisely & Co Academic and Wellbeing Planner is designed to help teens develop confidence, manage stress, and practice gratitude daily. Subscribers to the Flourish newsletter receive 10% off the planner and other wellbeing resources on our website. Join us today – just visit our landing page: www.wiselyandco.com, and scroll down to the subscription form to sign up.
By offering steady, consistent encouragement and a safe space to grow, we give our teens essential tools to step into the world with confidence, resilience, and a strong sense of self-worth.
Sources:
1. Steinberg, L. (2021). Adolescence. 12th ed. McGraw Hill.
2. Damour, L. (2016). Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood. Ballantine Books.
3. Neumark-Sztainer, D. et al. (2020). “Body dissatisfaction in adolescence.” Journal of Adolescent Health, 67(3), pp. 237-245.
4. Eisenberger, N. (2012). “The pain of social disconnection.” Science, 355(6327), pp. 115-120.
5. Pew Research Center (2023). “Teens and Academic Pressure.” Retrieved from www.pewresearch.org.
6. Fardouly, J. et al. (2018). “Social media and self-perception.” Computers in Human Behavior, 82, pp. 25-32.
7. Harvard Health Publishing (2022). “The benefits of gratitude.” Retrieved from www.health.harvard.edu.
8. Emmons, R. (2013). Gratitude Works! Jossey-Bass.
